People often imagine Japan as a place that feels magical all the time — neon lights, cherry blossoms, convenience stores at midnight, perfectly timed trains. And while those things do exist, they aren’t the full picture. There is the reality of living in Japan and I am here to talk about it honestly.

Living in Japan is much quieter than the version we usually see online. Most days are ordinary. Some days feel peaceful. Some days feel lonely. And a lot of days fall somewhere in between. This post isn’t meant to romanticize life here, or to discourage anyone from coming. It’s simply an honest reflection on what living in Japan actually feels like — beyond the highlights, beyond the expectations, and beyond the internet version of this country.

My First year in Japan

To give you a little bit of a background. My name is Ali, and This is my 10th year living in Japan. Ive been here almost a decade! and I still remember my first day here. I arrived at this same city at night at about 9pm and it was so quiet. Almost no one was around. And then I arrived at my tiny apartment without internet so I was really lonely at that night. I had to go seven eleven the next day to use their free wifi and call my family. It was all so strange, new and foreign for me so I felt loneliness but fast forward to now.

I am grateful and proud of myself that I decided to work here. Now, I have an online shop called Blue Notes by Ali and manage a handmade business in a second language. I make and sell pouches, laptop and booksleeves and I started it this year. I also started my Youtube channel because I wanted to share the behind the scenes of managing and growing my business and of course share the Life here in Japan.

My first year in Japan was alll about learning Japanese, learning how to adapt and learning the surface of their culture. It was so fun because I was travelling with friends and I went to amazing places. And I was so young that I was just enjoying my time here. My work was fun too because I was teaching in a language school and I did not need Japanese at work.

Living in Japan as a foreigner

But then my third year in Japan was a big shift because my school closed and I had to look for a job for a short period of time. I got lucky I got one in April and then I became an assistant language school in an elementary school. This was a huge change for me because It was the most traditional place in Japan where you need to speak Japanese to communicate with teachers and students. It is where I grew and learned so many things about Japanese culture. My eyes were opened about how and why Japanese people work so hard, and the role of harmony in the society.

From the outside world, people think Japanese people look kind and polite every time but this is Japan, actually. I understood the reason behind this with the term Enryo which literally means “considering from a distance” but in practical use it means to hold back and not be agressive. The avoidance of confrontation and aggression at work was evident to me. As an observer, Wa (harmony) is the most important of all. All relationships in Japan, personal, private or public, were controlled by this etiquette of maintaining harmony.

And I also learned to adapt this. I used to speak up my mind, I would feel free to speak up my opinion and even criticism sometimes at school but it is such a non-Japanese behavior. You gotta be careful and consider the people around you

Its almost like become predictable, to the reactions you make and the attitudes your portray. You harmonize with the people around you, you avoid confrontations and you agree with people even if you actually dont. Now, It may seem like a negative thing, but its just how we do it in Japan. Dont worry if you dont understand at first.

I also made so many mistakes on my first year but I learned from them. There is beauty in harmony. Harmony is the the overriding rule in all personal relationships. So now that Ive been living here for quite a long time, I also had to accomodate myself with this kind of thinking and different way of doing things If I wanted to have good relationships

What is the reality of living in Japan?

When I was still in the Philippines, I had zero tolerance in reading books. I would pick up a book to read but only after a few minutes I would put it down and not continue reading it. It is kinda embarassing to admit that I did not grow up to love reading books. Only when I came to Japan that I successfully finished a book.

And from that day on, I learned to love reading books. Although, I only read non fiction books. And Im so glad and proud of myself I picked up this book about Japan. My interest in Japanese history, and my love for this culture was born from this book. So now I wanted to share the most interesting thing about Japan.

So one of the fastest way to understand the way of life in Japan is through their cultural code words and one of them is Atarimae: which means “it goes without saying”. So in a culture as homegenous and structured as it is this means normal or common thing to do or to be epexcted. In schools, I witnessed this myself because the teachers keep saying it to the kids.

You do this because it is atarimae or it is the normal way so it molds the children to follow thesse invisible rules. And I think that as a foreigner living in Japan, understanding this invisible aspect of Japanese culture can be frustrating at first. Because it is passed on from generatin to generation by observation and imitation. Unless you are born in Japan, then you dont understand this invisible part of the culture.

A very good example is that in my school every April, we have newly graduated teachers.They come in very fresh and with little knowledge of school work. The new Japanese employees are expected to learn what they need to know without being told but in Western culture for example you learn by asking why and how. And this is Japan actually, the new teachers follow, observe and imitate what they see. As a new employee, you dont ask queations to why we do it or how we do it because asking is considered rude.

So this concept atarimae is deeply ingrained to kids, like my previous principal always taught not just the kids but also teachers to always do the atarimae/ common things. like protecting a good image of a teacher, not smoking in public or not gossiping in public. Those are a few atarimae thing for teachers and for kids this will include no running in the hallway, always cleaning up after playing, being grateful for food in school lunches and being quiet even when the teacher is not around.

So I think it`s really important to understand this concept if you want to live a good life in Japan as a foreigner. One of the few important atarimae things to follow is not speaking loud in the trains, taking care of you own garbage. Think of the obvious things that you should not do in public or at home like washing hands before eating, or the expectation to return a lost wallet.

That`s why even if you leave your valuables in starbucks and go to the toilet, no one will take it becuase that is the norm. Ive lost my wallet once in a mall and I was able to find it in the information center. That is amazing right? That is one of my culture shocks here. I was so amazed but that is Japan actually. Its because that is the natural thing to do. That is obvious and expected.

That is also why you wear a mask when you are sick to not spread the virus and be considerate of others. I can go on and on and give more examples of this concept but I think the blog will be too long! Ive had so many conversations with friends, colleagues and also my nialist and my hair stylist they say atarimae da to omotta / I thought it was normal around the world too.

But yeah, Ive heard this expressions so many times its atarimae da which means Thats obvious.

The Japanese way of drinking

Okay so now let`s actually move on and talk about a different topic. Its the Japanese way of drinking. This is so fascinating to me becuase drinking is an integral part of Japanese culture. When I first expeerieced nomikai/ drinking party or socal gathering Ive made a lot of mistakes and only realized it when I was told by close friends.

There are numerous points of etiquette applying to drinking. The norms like you have to lower your glass when you do a kanpai or cheers if the person is above you (meanign they have a higher position at work). You lower your glass if the person is buying you a drink as a sign of respect.

You do not pour your own glass, you pour other people`s glasses and they pour yours too and when you are done drinking leave a little bit of alcohol in you glass becuase if you empty it they will just keep pouring your glass.

And I learned this from almost 10 years of living here that the only way you get to know a person here is to take the drinking. it the only time where they abandon formalities and be themselves. And there is a term for that it is bureiko ni suru it is when they abandon formailities and they are permitted to be themselves.

Public Etiquette

Today, Japanese are among the worlds most polite society, their public behaviour is far better than the rest of the world. It is one of the reasons why I love living here. And one notable thing when you just arrive at the airport is that people wear masks. And I also mentioned this earlier. But yeah its not because they are super sick but to avoid getting sick or to avoid spreading any germs.

These face masks are a part of millions of people here. Wearing mask is actually considerate behavior especially during the corona season. You are growned upon if you dont wear a mask and because everybody is wearing it, you also have to to conform because it is the obvious thing to do. Even if I hated wearing mask before expecially in summer. Thank God its a choice now

Technology

Japan is a technologically advance country, at least its how it is portrayed in the movies. You see a lot of videos online like oh Japan is living in 2050 but the reality of it is we still use fax machines at school.

And the most shocking thing for me is that they print the email they recieve it pass it to all teachers one table at a time. But if you understand the reasn behind it, it is becasue they still use hanko or a signature stamp. Everybody has it. You need it when you open a bank, whe you buy a car or a house and when you sign contracts.

Over To You

Living in Japan didn’t turn my life into a constant adventure, and it didn’t solve everything either. What it did was teach me how to sit with quiet, how to find comfort in routines, and how to be okay with a life that doesn’t always look exciting from the outside.

Japan isn’t just a place you visit — it’s a place you slowly learn. You learn its rhythm, its silences, and its small joys. And somewhere along the way, you also learn more about yourself. This may not be the version of Japan most people expect, but it’s the one that feels real to me — and for now, that’s enough.