SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS: 7 LEARNED LESSONS WHILE BEING SINGLE

Searching for happiness within someone else is something we’ve all done at some point in our lives. There’s this idea that in order to find true happiness you have to be in a relationship, that someone else is the missing piece to the puzzle that makes up your life. And without this person, you won’t reach a place of higher bliss and understanding.

This mindset simply isn’t true, sure someone else can elevate your life in certain ways, but it’s ultimately up to you to find your own happiness. True happiness lies within you and the little joys in your everyday life.

Why Am I Always Searching for Happiness?

So why are people always searching for happiness? It’s actually simpler than it sounds, happiness is masked as fulfillment and success. Society has painted this as a well-rounded life. Picture a pie chart; you have your job, money, a place to live, friends, family, and a relationship. This equals a well-balanced pie. You want that pie to be complete, so you keep searching.

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting a well-balanced life taking some time to figure out what you truly want is something we all should do throughout our lives. Being single can give you time to reflect and offer you a perspective you may otherwise not have seen, while I’ve been single over the last few years I’ve learned a few things when it comes to personal happiness and growth. 

Here are 5 things I’ve learned about searching for happiness while being single:

1. Your passions and hobbies can bring you so much joy

When you’re single you can often feel a sense of restlessness, and for a lot of people discomfort from not being in a relationship. This is the perfect time to search for happiness within you. Think about what you want in life, do you want to pursue a new hobby or learn a new skill? Do you want to re-connect with an old friend you’ve lost touch with?

While being single I’ve learned that so much of my personal happiness comes from my hobbies as a blogger and surrounding myself with people who have similar interests as me. So I fill my spare time with what I love, search for friendships with other women who have similar interests, and searching for happiness becomes less important as I feel as if I’ve found it within a personal passion.

How do I find my Passion? See what Mark Manson says about finding passion

2. Real happiness is found when we love ourselves first

Since being single I’ve started respecting my own time and efforts, started saying no to more things I’m not excited to do, and am mindful of where I put my energy. I’m working on my relationship with myself and it’s been incredible, I feel more aligned with my true purpose and calling and so much more clear about where I want my life to go in the future.

I’ve been in relationships before and have gotten lost in the other person’s passions, totally neglected my own, and delayed things I really wanted to do. That felt like a personal prison and the exact opposite of happiness. When you nurture your true passions you’re nurturing the love you have for yourself in the process. 

ALSO READ: Personal growth goals for a better you

3. Being grateful and mindful changes your perspective

I often used to feel a longing for certain things that I didn’t have in that moment, which is a toxic trait to have and one that should be acknowledged as I feel it isn’t necessarily a reflection of you as a person. I started to journal every morning and will write down 3 things I’m grateful for.

When you become mindful and aware of what you have, it shifts your mindset and perspective. Being able to work from home for example is something that I love and feel so grateful for, which in turn makes me happy. How our lives are structured can make us incredibly happy, and it has nothing to do with someone else.

4. Ignore what’s happening on social media, it’s not a true reflection of someone’s life

Social media has a large part in our never-ending journey of searching for happiness, we see what other’s lives apparently look like and feel less than. A really big lesson learned while being single and being online for over 40 hours per week is that social media is not real life; it’s simply a highlight of a few seconds of the entirety that makes up someone’s life. So take it with a grain of salt.

A few tips I’ve learned are to follow more inspiring women online, more single women, women with differing perspectives and views. You’ll see that there’s so much more to life than completing that pie chart we talked about earlier.

Remember that the best most amazing moments don’t make it online, they happen and we enjoy them as they happen. I now feel happy for people online who exude happiness, while keeping in mind all of the things I’m currently happy for.

ALSO READ: How to stay motivated and inspired

5. Being happy is an ongoing process and shifts and changes as you do

Last summer I was completely happy with spending weekends with friends, this summer I’ve been really into gardening and spending time in my yard at home. Happiness changes as we change, as our hobbies and interests change, and where we are in our lives. Just because something made you happy once doesn’t mean it always will, remember to honor what you enjoy doing because that’s the key.

One of the great things about being single is this ability to change and shift what I enjoy doing, and what I want my life to consist of. If I want a really social weekend I have the freedom to do that, and if I want a garden weekend I have that option too. Things shift and change and since I’ve been single for a few years now I’m loving the freedom to design my life exactly how I want it to look.

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OVER TO YOU

Being single provides so many opportunities to grow as a person, to nurture areas of your life you otherwise couldn’t, and to figure out what you really want. Your inner happiness is more important and sustainable than anything you could find on the outside, so stop Googling how to be happy and start implementing simple practices like mindfulness.  

This is your sign to focus on yourself! Since being single I’ve become so much clearer on what I want in life and have found some incredible passions I never knew were there. I often think back to how unhappy I was in certain relationship and am so grateful to be where I’m at now.

If I can leave you with one last piece of advice it’s the knowledge that being with someone who isn’t the right person for you, is far more detrimental to your happiness than being single. So when you find yourself searching for happiness again remember that it starts within you, all you have to do is take the first step to change your mindset. Look at your current life, look at what’s around you, and what you love within your daily life and I promise you will find happiness within every aspect of it- as a single woman.