This is a guest post from Varun Pahwa, from Up Rise High.
Communication is a two-way street. The more effectively you communicate, the stronger your relationship will become. But it can be challenging to figure out what to say and when especially if you’re unsure of what she wants in the first place. This can cause misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even breakups. So how can you avoid these pitfalls? The key is to know what NOT to do. Here are some things women never want to hear in a relationship:
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“I’m not happy with you.”
Don’t tell a woman you’re “not happy with her.” If you want to get the best out of her, be specific about what she could do differently.
Being unhappy with someone is a vague, mysterious complaint. It isn’t clear why anyone is low, and it could be anything, and the person being complained about doesn’t have much information to work with.
But if you’re going to be specific, you need to be realistic and focused. Don’t just complain that someone isn’t “happy.
New research shows that your marriage is more likely to end in divorce if you tell your wife you’re unhappy and want to leave. Don’t tell her that you’re unhappy if you want a happy relationship.
The findings come from one of the most significant studies of couples ever conducted, which followed more than 3,000 married couples for six years. The study found that the most common reason for a divorce was a spouse saying they wanted to leave. So please don’t say it!
“You’ll never be good enough.”
Telling a woman she won’t be good enough is one of the most destructive things you can say to her. Telling a woman she isn’t good enough manifests in her mind as “I am not good enough.” Then, that thought becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This happens on both a small scale and a large scale. It occurs when a boss tells an employee she isn’t good enough. It occurs when a friend tells another friend she isn’t good enough to pursue a dream. And it happens when we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough to accomplish something.
Many men give women that message, and it’s a big mistake.
- It is demoralizing and disempowering.
- It creates the opposite of what you want to see. You want women to feel good about themselves and have the self-confidence to achieve their goals, not quit because they’re afraid they’ll never be good enough.
- It makes you look like an idiot since everyone knows there is no such thing as “good enough.” If you’re good enough at something today, you’ll be good enough at it someday.
“You’re not my type.”
You’ve heard this before, and you’ll hear it again: we are not all the same. And that’s a good thing, we’re diverse, unique, and attractive. And because of this diversity, we shouldn’t be treated the same.
The point is, don’t tell a woman that you don’t find her attractive because she doesn’t fit into the particular category of the way that you prefer women to look.
That’s pretty rude.
If you want to change something about her, you can say it in a better way.
“I’m not ready yet.”
Women have a hard time believing that men are not ready for commitment. So, when a man says, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” she will take it as “I don’t want you.”
What do women want?
Women want to feel wanted, they want to feel sexy.
And why not?
They are the most beautiful creatures on earth, and they deserve to be treated like goddesses.
The problem is that many guys forget this. They don’t realize that saying “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” is ok, but it’s not.
It’s annoying when people say, “I’m not ready yet.”
They’re saying, “I’m not ready yet, but when I get ready, you’ll be waiting for me.”
They’re also saying, “I don’t want to pursue this relationship as much as you do, so I’m going to wait until our relative levels of interest are the same.”
“This is how I want it done.”
Nobody enjoys being told what to do. The boyfriend who gives orders to his girlfriend is likely to develop a poor reputation and to be avoided in the future by anyone. That’s why telling someone what you want to be done is a bad idea.
Instead, try asking your girlfriend how they would like to accomplish the task at hand. First, let her know that you are interested in her opinion. Then, ask questions that help her share her thoughts and feelings on the matter, and encourage her to share their ideas with you. She’ll feel more engaged with the task and accomplish it the way it should be done.
“I can’t talk right now.”
Do you know what women hate?
They hate the phrase “I can’t talk right now.” It makes them feel like they don’t matter to you.
What do women love?
A man who puts her first. When a woman says she will be at a particular place at a specific time, she expects that you will be there as well. You have many things on your mind, but if your woman is in a meeting or needs to run an errand and asks you to accompany her, make sure that you are available to do it.
“she is looking better than you.”
Guys, stop doing it. Seriously, you’re just making your girlfriend mad and turning her off at the same time. I know it’s hard to resist the urge to compare your girl to other women you might see out and about, but you need to try. If you don’t, you risk losing her altogether.
Don’t get me wrong, comparing women is something that most guys do, it’s not a bad thing. But when you start doing it all the time, it becomes an issue. As soon as you notice yourself beginning to compare her with others, stop there.
There’s an ordinary phrase women hear when they’re emotional: “You’re overreacting.”
If you think about it, that phrase is pretty insulting, and it implies that there’s a specific way to feel and react to every situation.
There isn’t one way to feel. And your feelings are valid, even if they differ from what someone else might think is appropriate.
The phrase “you’re overreacting” is one of the most common phrases used against women. Women are steered away from their emotions and told to calm down, and they’re told that their feelings aren’t accurate or that they’re simply being emotional. When a man feels something, he’s just feeling it, but when a woman does, she’s being hysterical.
“It’s not a big deal.”
She will not listen to you if you say, “It’s not a big deal.” Women are programmed to take the emotional temperature of their surroundings, and they have an innate sense of when something has gone wrong.
Don’t tell a woman that it’s not a big deal. Don’t tell her that she doesn’t have to be upset when you are reacting to a bad situation that she is upset about. It’s not a big deal is an easy way to belittle the importance of something in front of someone who has already been hurt by it. It’s not a big deal is an easy way to communicate that you don’t care about the pain and hurt of another person.
“You are trying to be mean.”
If you aren’t a woman, you have no fucking clue what an insult women take when they are told they are trying to be mean. This is one of those many comments that we have to deal with daily that make no sense to the person saying them and makes our lives so much harder.
You can ask yourself why someone would feel like being mean for no reason, but you will never know what it feels like.
“You are So Emotional?”
We all know we are emotional beings. However, when our emotions are triggered, it can cause us to act in some less than desirable ways. If someone tells you that you are too emotional, don’t react emotionally. Instead, respond with logic and reason.
Many women have been conditioned by society to suppress their emotions, which causes us to take on a “suck it up buttercup” mentality. However, because emotions are a part of who we are, we can only be successful by learning.
If you tell a woman, she is so emotional, and it’s like you are saying, “you are not a man.” It’s like pointing out that she is not good enough as a man.
It is an insult, and it drags the women down. But if you tell a man that he is too emotional, it’s like you are saying, “yes, I know that you are a man, and I am fine with it.” It’s like patting him on his back for being a man.
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OVER TO YOU
It’s easy to say the wrong thing during a relationship, especially if you’re not thinking or paying attention. To keep your relationship and love life healthy, avoid saying these things to your girlfriend or wife. If you’ve already said any of these things, give her a sincere apology and make sure that it never happens again!
But remember, you can’t change what has happened in the past, so don’t dwell on it too much. Instead of focusing on the past, focus on your present and how to make it more beautiful.
More About the Author
Hi there! I am Varun Pahwa. I’ve learned several lessons from some of my darkest life experiences. Join me at Uprisehigh where I share inspirational stories, brilliant tips on self-improvement, life simplification, & a lot more.