We all have relationships in our lives. We have them with our families, friends, partners, boss, and co-workers: the list goes on. But let’s be honest here, these relationships aren’t always blooming and healthy. As we all know, no relationship is perfect; it has its strengths and weaknesses, ups, and downs. Every relationship has something to work on and improve. This article is all about reminders and things to remember. Stay with this article if you want to:
- Improve your relationships
- Discover the core components of a relationship
- Turn your not-so-healthy relationship to a healthy one
From my experiences, from the books I read, stories I heard, and movies I watched, I have put a 10 relationship reminder to develop a healthy relationship.
But before you dive into the list, know the core components of a relationship first. Like I said, every relationship has its ups and downs. When a challenging situation comes in, it’s easy to dwell on negativity and disappointments. There’s a way to avoid this.
All solid, healthy romantic relationships share the following core strengths:
Trust It is when one person says they’re going drinking with their friends and come home very late at night, the other person assumes they do what is said. The other person doesn’t continuously send messages or call to make sure he is really with friends and not with other people. In point of fact, it is being completely honest with each other, even in uncomfortable times.
Compatibility It is one of the foundations of a relationship. It is when you and your partner really suit each other. It means that you work well together, enjoy each other’s company, and have a good time together. Do you have the same values and principles in life? Do you share the same passions and interests? Are your lifestyle choices in alignment with each other?
Stability concerns how your relationship plays out on a day to day basis. You will know when your relationship is stable when you don’t suffer from daily tension, chaos, and constant disagreement. Harmony is prevalent when you have stability in your relationship.
Lacking one of these components could mean that the relationship is flawed, which makes it hard to improve and turn to a healthy relationship. So look out for these core strengths.
1. The 5 love languages
When I picked Gary Champman’s The 5 Love languages book, I was having problems with my past relationship. I was trying to fix a broken relationship. Although, the book didn’t precisely teach me how, it had a significant impact on how I view and treat relationships. It made a massive change and shift in my mindset; if you’ve never heard about this book, here’s the magic details.
The idea is that a love language is a way you express and receive love. You have a primary love language, and it is essential to figure out yours and your partners to work out together. The way you feel might not necessarily the same as the other person feels love. And the key message here is to love your partner the way they want to be loved and not showing them the love the way you want because:
We often give love in a way we would like to receive.
Words of affirmations
If you think actions don’t speak louder than words, you like to share verbal encouragement, kind and thoughtful comments. This is your love language. Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words “I love you” are essential, and insults can leave you shattered and not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing genuine praise and credit. You need to feel appreciated and validated.
Acts of Service
If you think actions speak louder than words, you like to ease the burden of your partner’s responsibilities; this is your act of love. Finding words to serve like “let me do that for you.” speak volumes to you. Otherwise, laziness and broken commitments will tell you that you don’t matter. When others serve you out of love, you feel genuinely valued and loved.
If this is your love language, you value efforts, thoughtfulness, and the love behind gifts. On the other hand, forgotten and missed birthday would be disastrous to you, and you feel like your world has ended. But please don’t mistake this love language for materialism because they are very different. Gifts are heartfelt and visual symbols of love and affection.
This is about receiving undivided attention from your partner. If you think this is your love language, distractions, postponed activities, or failure to listen can hurt you. Instead, you want to deepen your connection with others through sharing time and doing meaningful activities together.
Examples of physical touch are hugs, affirming pat from a colleague, sitting close to somebody, holding hands, and kisses on the forehead. Thoughtful touches always show excitement, concern, care, and love.
We all express and receive love in different ways. Problems happen in relationships because you are giving a love language that isn’t your partner’s. It can lead to feeling unappreciated and unloved. So know your love language and talk about it with your partner.
You got the gist of the book in this paragraph, but it’s worth grabbing a copy. I highly recommend it, and I promise your 18 dollars will be worth it.
2. Set healthy relationship boundaries
Having healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions. You understand that you don’t have to fulfill and accommodate the other person’s needs 100 percent. And as a result of this, you may sometimes hurt their feelings, but you understand that it’s okay. When you lack boundaries, tendencies are, you sacrifice your identity to receive love and affection. You have a high level of neediness and codependence to other people. You try to fix their problems and force them to be happy and satisfied. This can hurt your relationship without even noticing it. It can leave huge damage in you and your partner.
To avoid damaging your relationship, set boundaries. Stop trying to solve all problems of your friends, families or partners. You don’t have to do all favors from a friend, even if they are the closest to you. You don’t have to take care of everything for your partner. Let them do the things they want in their ways.
3. Be honest
It’s okay to lie in a relationship because you don’t want to hurt that person. It’s one os the worst advice to give and receive – but let’s fix it. Be honest and expose your true self from the start of a relationship until the end. Talk openly about things you desire, feel and dream. A lie here and there will hurt your relationship in the long run. Disappointments and trust issues will occur. So avoid these easily by being honest. Don’t cover your emotions with fake ones. Don’t hide your true feelings with lies. Just freely express your opinions even if they hurt. It’s good to show your rough edges.
Related topic: The advice you need to hear about relationships
4. Love is a decision
Have you ever wondered why some couples stay together for a long time, yet they still seem to be like new couples? The main reason is deciding to stay in love. You have the power to keep the relationship burning with passion, love, and affection. It’s a decision you make every day.
5. Never compare your relationship to others.
No two relationships are the same. Every relationship is unique. I know it’s obvious but it bears repeating because often we easily fall into the trap of comparison. As humans, we are wired of comparisons; it may look like others are having the perfect relationship but you don’t know what they are going through. It may look perfect from the outside but they have their own struggles. All perfect looking couples don’t mean shit in comparison. Embrace your relationship for what it is. Focus on your relationship and be grateful for what you have and appreciate all the good things, big or small. In this way, you amplify love. The real win is what’s inside your relationship, how you spend quality time, making great memories, having playful times and meaningful dates. These are the starting steps to creating a healthy and loving relationship.
Related topic: Don’t fall into the trap of comparison
6. Love yourself first before loving others
Do you want to know the secret of an authentic relationship with fewer arguments, less blame, and fewer insecurities? It is loving yourself first, before trying to love other people. This is so true because you cannot give what you don’t have. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Relationships are never two halves making a whole but rather two wholes coming together
Love yourself first before getting into a relationship; otherwise, you put so much pressure on the other person to give you all the love you want. Its never good to say your partner completes you and makes you as a whole.
Related topic: Self- compassion: How to love yourself
7. Accept differences and grow with them (manage differences)
Every relationship is bound to run into some personal differences. No two people are alike as they say, not even twins. We have differences in tastes, preferences in music, food, lifestyle and friends, but accepting the reality that this is normal, fosters learning.
Embrace each other’s differences. Accommodate and compliment instead of resisting. I promise you that this will pave your way to having a healthy relationship.
8. Spend quality time
Often in new relationships, we want to spend as much time with our new partners but once you settle into a routine, it becomes hard to make time for each other. Spending quality time with your partner is essential to maintain a loving relationship. It’s a way to bring you and your partner closer and know more things about him. Here are some ways to spend quality time:
- Enjoy being playful
- Active listening and giving full attention
- Do things you both are keen on
- Schedule a dinner date on your calendar
- Travel to a new place and have little adventures together
9. Go outside your comfort zones
When your relationship becomes a routine and you stop making new memories, the relationship starts to cripple. You can easily avoid this by staying curious and exploring new things together. Curiosity is the catalyst foundation of a relationship. There’s a lot more to learn about your partner, discover them. Don’t stop asking questions, Don’t stop making new memories and visiting new places.
10. Give and take process
Are you a giver or a taker? When you are in a relationship, your answer should be both. It is a two-way process. It represents partnership and sharing. When you always give, you will run out of things to offer such as time, love, energy, and effort.
Before you go
Relationships can be complicated and challenging, but it’s worth it if you are with the right person. And if you’re finding this interesting and want to learn more, I encourage you to check these highly recommended books.
I’ve written these relationship reminders because they heavily influenced my life, and hoped it could affect your life. Go ahead and share it to impact more people.